The other day I was having a conversation with someone who made a random statement about how it is impossible to have real friends in this age of electronics and frenzy. She said she just can’t seem to maintain any type of friendship relationship because people are either too busy with their own personal lives or they are stuck behind a computer monitor or video game. She went on and on and on about how selfish her friends are and I have to be honest after listening to her whine, I wouldn’t want to be her friend either.
This made me stop and really think about what she said and evaluate my life and my friendships.
Here is the *I* clause…
The one that’s all about me and what *I* do: Yes, I am busy. No, I don’t work outside my home, I am retired, collecting my pension and living a life full of challenges and excitement. As often as I can I’m in the BAT with Jimmy, driving all over the continental US, seeing places I’ve never thought I’d get to see, and spending quality time with the man of my dreams. When I’m home, I take care of the Little Witch after school, on holiday breaks when she’s not in school and during the summers.
With 5 adults and one very active eight-year-old living in the same house, I do my best to keep my personal space clean and free from clutter. I make sure our bills are paid on time, I take care of my husband when he is home. I take care of Lily, make sure she has the right type of food, all her shots are up to date and give her monthly dose of heartworm and flea prevention medication.
And in a limited way, I also take care of some of the plants outside. I’ve also become limited in the things I can do physically. At 63 I knew my body would begin to slow down, but dammit! Not this rapidly! Thankfully, I now have a doctor who seems to want to listen to me and help me figure out exactly what is going on. I’ve begun tracking the daily pain in a section specifically set up in my journal so I can have a clear discussion during the next visit with him.
Here is the how I feel about my friends:
I have quite a few friends, personal, close friends who have been part of my life for many years. I nurture each and every relationship I’m in. Whether it’s a face to face relationship or an electronic relationship doesn’t make any difference. BOTH get the same from me. I refuse to judge anyone for the way they believe about ANY subject. I have my own beliefs and when or if one of my friends and I can’t agree with the other, it doesn’t cause us to get all pissy and blow off the relationship. We choose to learn and grow from our differences.
I don’t expect everyone to agree with me and my feeling or beliefs, and I certainly don’t completely agree with those of my friends. I may not agree with all or part of the things they believe or the way they live, but that is their life, not mine. If it comes to the point I feel there is nothing salvageable in any relationship, I end it and walk away wishing them the best.
So why is it so difficult for this person (the one who got me thinking) to make lasting friendships? I’ve talked to her a few times, so in my not so professional opinion, I feel she is too needy. Every conversation must be about her, she has no respect for any others ideas or opinions. No matter that she thinks she’s the best friend going if people won’t stay around her and the drama that just rolls off her, she is the one with the issues and needs to do some deep soul searching to figure out how to change. It doesn’t matter if you feel your life is going good and you feel good about yourself (that’s a form of narcissism) if others don’t want to be around you for any period of time, there is definitely something not quite right with the inner you.
My friends, ALL of them, are very important to me! I love them all, whether I know them face to face, or they are on the other end of my computer monitor or a text message or email. Each of them have feelings I try to be aware of, each have family or relationship issues of some sort, and each of them have their down or low moments. It doesn’t matter what mood they are in, I still love them. And they all know, no matter what is going on in my life, when they call me for ANYTHING, I’m there for each of them… NO QUESTIONS ASKED!