You know the ones I’m talking about. The ones where no matter what you do you just can’t find any joy in anything? And it really doesn’t matter what you try to do, the result is the same and you end up wishing you’d just stayed in bed this morning?
Yeah, I’m having a few of those. No matter what I’ve tried nothing seems to hold my interest for longer than a hot minute. I’ve been reading so much I think my eyes have gone crossed, I’ve tried writing in my journal, the ONE thing that can usually help get me through the rough spots, and I haven’t been able to complete even one sentence. My planner is in no way ready for the coming year and I’ve done my nails so many times I ran out of stuff and had to order more.
Meditating and burning sage or my favorite incense doesn’t work in the BAT, there are too many things going on and too much noise and chaos, None of my favorite music calms me as it has before and I haven’t sat down to watch TV unless it’s on the DVR or on-demand since before Covid hit and I spent almost a solid year in the BAT trying to self-quarantine.
I know part of the problem was the anniversary (it was 9 years October 26th) of my Momma’s passing, and the subsequent hurried trip back to AZ for the memorial (November 12th) and knowing I was going to have to deal with people I didn’t want to see. (who in the seven hells goes to your ex daughter-in laws mother’s memorial when you weren’t friends with the deceased?) I have no idea why to hit me so hard this year. Maybe it was having to face the fact that Jimmy’s parents aren’t doing too well and helping him navigate all the emotions he’s feeling.
Maybe I’m so unsettled because I’ve been technically homeless for the better part of 2 years. Our short term goals hit a few bumps and even though I am SO greatful for the love and support from the Witchling’s dad and his partner, I’m still living in someone else’s home.
Yes, I know I”m whining and I probably sound selfish and that isn’t what I’m feeling or meaning at all.
Maybe I just need to go to the beach … or to the lake …